saga
<jargon> (WPI) A cuspy but bogus raving story about N random broken
people.
Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told by Guy Steele (GLS):
Jon L. White (login name JONL) and I (GLS) were office mates at MIT for many
years. One April, we both flew from Boston to California for a week on research
business, to consult face-to-face with some people at Stanford, particularly our
mutual friend Richard Gabriel (RPG).
RPG picked us up at the San Francisco airport and drove us back to Palo Alto
(going logical south on route 101, parallel to El Camino Bignum). Palo Alto is
adjacent to Stanford University and about 40 miles south of San Francisco. We
ate at The Good Earth, a "health food" restaurant, very popular, the sort whose
milkshakes all contain honey and protein powder. JONL ordered such a shake - the
waitress claimed the flavour of the day was "lalaberry". I still have no idea
what that might be, but it became a running joke. It was the colour of
raspberry, and JONL said it tasted rather bitter. I ate a better tostada there
than I have ever had in a Mexican restaurant.
After this we went to the local Uncle Gaylord's Old Fashioned Ice Cream Parlor.
They make ice cream fresh daily, in a variety of intriguing flavours. It's a
chain, and they have a slogan: "If you don't live near an Uncle Gaylord's -
MOVE!" Also, Uncle Gaylord (a real person) wages a constant battle to force
big-name ice cream makers to print their ingredients on the package (like air
and plastic and other non-natural garbage). JONL and I had first discovered
Uncle Gaylord's the previous August, when we had flown to a computer-science
conference in Berkeley, California, the first time either of us had been on the
West Coast. When not in the conference sessions, we had spent our time wandering
the length of Telegraph Avenue, which (like Harvard Square in Cambridge) was
lined with picturesque street vendors and interesting little shops. On that
street we discovered Uncle Gaylord's Berkeley store. The ice cream there was
very good. During that August visit JONL went absolutely bananas (so to speak)
over one particular flavour, ginger honey.
Therefore, after eating at The Good Earth - indeed, after every lunch and dinner
and before bed during our April visit --- a trip to Uncle Gaylord's (the one in
Palo Alto) was mandatory. We had arrived on a Wednesday, and by Thursday evening
we had been there at least four times. Each time, JONL would get ginger honey
ice cream, and proclaim to all bystanders that "Ginger was the spice that drove
the Europeans mad! That's why they sought a route to the East! They used it to
preserve their otherwise off-taste meat." After the third or fourth repetition
RPG and I were getting a little tired of this spiel, and began to paraphrase
him: "Wow! Ginger! The spice that makes rotten meat taste good!" "Say! Why don't
we find some dog that's been run over and sat in the sun for a week and put some
*ginger* on it for dinner?!" "Right! With a lalaberry shake!" And so on. This
failed to faze JONL; he took it in good humour, as long as we kept returning to
Uncle Gaylord's. He loves ginger honey ice cream.
Now RPG and his then-wife KBT (Kathy Tracy) were putting us up (putting up with
us?) in their home for our visit, so to thank them JONL and I took them out to a
nice French restaurant of their choosing. I unadventurously chose the filet
mignon, and KBT had je ne sais quoi du jour, but RPG and JONL had lapin
(rabbit). (Waitress: "Oui, we have fresh rabbit, fresh today." RPG: "Well, JONL,
I guess we won't need any *ginger*!")
We finished the meal late, about 11 P.M., which is 2 A.M Boston time, so JONL
and I were rather droopy. But it wasn't yet midnight. Off to Uncle Gaylord's!
Now the French restaurant was in Redwood City, north of Palo Alto. In leaving
Redwood City, we somehow got onto route 101 going north instead of south. JONL
and I wouldn't have known the difference had RPG not mentioned it. We still knew
very little of the local geography. I did figure out, however, that we were
headed in the direction of Berkeley, and half-jokingly suggested that we
continue north and go to Uncle Gaylord's in Berkeley.
RPG said "Fine!" and we drove on for a while and talked. I was drowsy, and JONL
actually dropped off to sleep for 5 minutes. When he awoke, RPG said, "Gee,
JONL, you must have slept all the way over the bridge!", referring to the one
spanning San Francisco Bay. Just then we came to a sign that said "University
Avenue". I mumbled something about working our way over to Telegraph Avenue; RPG
said "Right!" and maneuvered some more. Eventually we pulled up in front of an
Uncle Gaylord's.
Now, I hadn't really been paying attention because I was so sleepy, and I didn't
really understand what was happening until RPG let me in on it a few moments
later, but I was just alert enough to notice that we had somehow come to the
Palo Alto Uncle Gaylord's after all.
JONL noticed the resemblance to the Palo Alto store, but hadn't caught on. (The
place is lit with red and yellow lights at night, and looks much different from
the way it does in daylight.) He said, "This isn't the Uncle Gaylord's I went to
in Berkeley! It looked like a barn! But this place looks *just like* the one
back in Palo Alto!"
RPG deadpanned, "Well, this is the one *I* always come to when I'm in Berkeley.
They've got two in San Francisco, too. Remember, they're a chain."
JONL accepted this bit of wisdom. And he was not totally ignorant - he knew
perfectly well that University Avenue was in Berkeley, not far from Telegraph
Avenue. What he didn't know was that there is a completely different University
Avenue in Palo Alto.
JONL went up to the counter and asked for ginger honey. The guy at the counter
asked whether JONL would like to taste it first, evidently their standard
procedure with that flavour, as not too many people like it.
JONL said, "I'm sure I like it. Just give me a cone." The guy behind the counter
insisted that JONL try just a taste first. "Some people think it tastes like
soap." JONL insisted, "Look, I *love* ginger. I eat Chinese food. I eat raw
ginger roots. I already went through this hassle with the guy back in Palo Alto.
I *know* I like that flavour!"
At the words "back in Palo Alto" the guy behind the counter got a very strange
look on his face, but said nothing. KBT caught his eye and winked. Through my
stupor I still hadn't quite grasped what was going on, and thought RPG was
rolling on the floor laughing and clutching his stomach just because JONL had
launched into his spiel ("makes rotten meat a dish for princes") for the
forty-third time. At this point, RPG clued me in fully.
RPG, KBT, and I retreated to a table, trying to stifle our chuckles. JONL
remained at the counter, talking about ice cream with the guy b.t.c., comparing
Uncle Gaylord's to other ice cream shops and generally having a good old time.
At length the g.b.t.c. said, "How's the ginger honey?" JONL said, "Fine! I
wonder what exactly is in it?" Now Uncle Gaylord publishes all his recipes and
even teaches classes on how to make his ice cream at home. So the g.b.t.c. got
out the recipe, and he and JONL pored over it for a while. But the g.b.t.c.
could contain his curiosity no longer, and asked again, "You really like that
stuff, huh?" JONL said, "Yeah, I've been eating it constantly back in Palo Alto
for the past two days. In fact, I think this batch is about as good as the cones
I got back in Palo Alto!"
G.b.t.c. looked him straight in the eye and said, "You're *in* Palo Alto!"
JONL turned slowly around, and saw the three of us collapse in a fit of giggles.
He clapped a hand to his forehead and exclaimed, "I've been hacked!"
[My spies on the West Coast inform me that there is a close relative of the
raspberry found out there called an "ollalieberry" - ESR]
[Ironic footnote: it appears that the meme about ginger vs. rotting meat may be
an urban legend. It's not borne out by an examination of mediaeval recipes or
period purchase records for spices, and appears full-blown in the works of
Samuel Pegge, a gourmand and notorious flake case who originated numerous food
myths. - ESR]
[Jargon File]
(1994-12-08)
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